grayarcadian

Go figure. 

Not the Episode itself.  I've been saving Picard as a reward for finishing my fic and my biggest fear with Picard is that I've been working on what I want to do with the universe and the AIs in it, time travel, parallel worlds, etc.  Michael Chabon was one of the only comic book commentators that hasn't actively pissed me off in roughly 15 years.  I've been impressed with him and his actual give-a-damn, plus there's this hope I have they will turn the lights back on in Star Trek.  Apocalypse, as we are all discovering, is a conceit of those who think they will be Mad Max at the end of the world and not one of the people under the tires.  People who know they are mortal or will be thrown under the wheels in favor of a more privileged person know better than to glorify the end.

But that's a whole other essay, and I kind of want to discuss something else.  We're discussing Data.  Dear sweet, wonderful, best person ever Data.

That said, my favorite character is Tasha Yar, and much of Tasha is defined by Data.  Oh, Gods, am I aware how insanely problematic this is from a feminist perspective, especially for a character meant to be struggling with gender and sexuality and her own impulses to be feminine without "losing anything."  Character that is exploring what it is to be a liberated woman safe within her own psyche being defined by the shows most popular male character?  Welcome to Trek: The Berman Years.

But if you were going to have to be  defined by someone else, Data is your best in-universe bet.  Perfect memory.  Every day an epoch.  Every mundane thing an adventure and an excuse for wonder.  I've frequently struggled one the question if the pair were in love and, no, they couldn't be traditionally.  Data's actions, words, and memories of her are love of a kind and with Tasha - how could she not?  I'm sure there's a way, but I can't see it for someone who cries on the bridge and openly adopted the childless Picard as her father before even Wesley did so.

Now that window closed a second time.  Sure, Picard remembers her, but the writers are never going to mention her again even with all the Romulans swirling around unless Sela shows back up.  If it happens then, it will only be to gnaw at Picard's guilt and protectiveness of those in his charge.  I will not hear anything more about the wonders of my character ever again unless I or other non-canon never counts write it.

Tasha and Data both died twice - or three times depending on how you count it.  Both have envious siblings who question their bravery, loyalty, and worth as people  and whom would kill their chosen family with little hesitation.  They both had offspring without their consent.  Both had a villain hold them as prisoners of war and both were solicited for sex during that time which could not have been wholly consensual by the very nature of circumstances - and that's me being generous.  It seems both of them had their best chance at very real human intimacy through a drunken one-night stand.  Personally, I'm looking around a lot wondering why they chose to do these things to both halves of my 'ship.  Were they meaning to build on those parallels which made these two opposites no longer that opposed?  I'm betting they didn't even notice, and if they did, all focus would be on Data.

Again, I don't begrudge this.  Most fans are not going to seek my stories for Tasha primarily.  I know it.  You know it.

But...I'm in this weird place today seeing Data fans watch as their character, their Star Trek compass, was ripped from the grave and then shoved back into it.  I'm watching them orient themselves with the reveal of unexpected and sometimes problematic offspring.  And I remember being 15, seeing Sela, and doing this alone. 

"Aren't you just glad to see Denise Crosby back?" 

Well, yes, but - no. 

"I thought it was well done."

I'm sorry.  Did you miss the whole rape part where they took a survivor and made this happen again?  I know.  I know.  There a handful of fics out there that make that Romulan General/POW Consort thing look much less creepy, but still.  Also, I wish I cared what you thought right now.  I'm in My Own Thoughts-landia right now.

"Well, her death opened the way for Worf to be a better character."

Okay, beyond the whole it's a fucked up dynamic when a female character has to die so a character played by a black actor can thrive when white men do not have nearly this same problem: Can you just not speak right now?

So, I stopped talking about it unless the conversation got into deep waters with other Trekkies.  Even then, I'd preface it with a, "Are you sure you want to go there?"  I think one of the things that kept the fic I'm writing in the back of my head is that conversations I had to have to sort it all out had to be with myself.

I'm watching Data fans mourn right now.  They have more support than I had.  They had the fandom camaraderie I wish I did.

So, if you've gotten to the end of this:  I'm here.  I've been here.  Done this.  Hated it.  Am I over it?  I've chosen not to be because there still benefit to not being.  It's a valid option.  I'll transcend it when I feel like.  You can chose the same for the Data in your head or you can move on.

I'm here because Tasha wouldn't have it any other way.